Tag Archives: american family association

Wave Of Suicide Attacks Continues Across The Country

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THE CABIN ANTHRAX – (CT&P) – The wave of suicide attacks that has plagued the United States for weeks continues unabated as scores of pundits, right-wing politicians, and wacked-out ministers continue to strap on bigoted archaic arguments and run screaming toward the forces of societal progress and enlightenment.

The latest idiot to attack common human decency in favor of religious psychosis was the thoroughly unbalanced and hate mongering dimwit Bryan Fischer of American Family Association fame.

“The flooding in Texas is clearly God’s vengeance wreaked upon the sodomites of the southwest in the form of H2O!” said Fischer, as he foamed at the mouth on his daily decent into madness and hate known as Focal Point.

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Fischer, a good friend of Dennis Hastert, has fought homosexual urges for decades. He continues to broadcast every day despite chronic constipation and a host of other intestinal ailments.

“The geographical connection between the flooding, the practice of the occult and witchcraft, and the embrace of homosexuality is absolutely undeniable. The relationship between homosexual activity and natural disasters has been well documented and should be obvious to any reasonable person who believes a virgin gave birth to the Son of God who later in life morphed into a death-defying zombie.”

A mentally disturbed caller named Rebecca from Anal Seepage, Texas agreed with Fischer, saying “If God is judging Texas, it’s because of the witchcraft and sodomy that we’ve allowed to run rampant! I say we kill all the fags and all the liberals and all the atheists while we’re at it!”

Fischer used the caller’s comments as an excuse to go on a fifteen minute incoherent rant about atheists and how there should be a national registry for them like there is for sex offenders. He closed the show by saying:

“We can’t afford to let people capable of critical thought run free throughout our society! Real Christians should take up arms and kill the blasphemers and sodomites! That’s one thing them Mooslims have got right!”

 

 

 

Nifty New Map Reveals Isolated Pockets Of Intelligence Across Bible Belt

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afamap

TUPELO, MISSISSIPPI – (CT&P) – The bigots at the American Family Association have created a handy new interactive map that may assist intelligent people traveling through the Bible Belt in finding isolated pockets of people with whom they can communicate.

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Donald Wildmon, president and founder of the AFA, told the Jackson Courier that the map was originally intended to help like-minded bigots harass progressive organizations, but the plan has backfired.

The map lists the names and locations of organizations that the AFA believes pose a dire threat to the Christian faith. The names of Atheist, Humanist, “Anti-Christian,” and “homosexual agenda” groups are listed along with their locations. Although the map is national in scope, it is mainly treated as a joke outside the South.

Donald Wildmon, president of the AFA and notorious anti-Semite, told the Jackson Courier that the map was originally designed to help “the KKK, neo-Nazi organizations, and other crazed pseudo Christian rednecks like ourselves locate the headquarters of organizations considered to be enemies of Jesus.”

“We had hoped that publicizing the organizations that don’t hold our antiquated and bigoted views would help our allies locate, harass, and beat the shit out of members of these groups, but the plan kind of backfired on us.”

It seems that instead of idiots using the site like the AFA intended, intelligent folk traveling through the South have used it as a tool to make donations and make new friends with people who are actually able to reason.

The Courier interviewed several travelers to get their take on the map.

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Stig O”Tracy told reporters that driving through the Bible Belt was like “traveling back in time to the Middle Ages,” and first time travelers should prepare for a shock.

“The map has been a lifesaver for me,” said Vince Snetterton Lewis, an intellectual from Portland, Oregon. “There just aren’t too many places in the Bible Belt where you can sit down and have an intelligent conversation. The last time I drove through the South I went from Memphis all the way to Atlanta without stopping to urinate. You never know who you’re going to run into down there.”

Stig O’Tracy, an intellectual from Los Angeles, California said, “Have you seen the fucking billboards down there? I don’t dare stop unless I check the map first. I drive a hybrid with California plates. That’s probably enough to get the death penalty in some jurisdictions.”

Wildmon said that he hopes that what he called “abuse” of the interactive map would stop after certain alterations are made.

“We plan to try to make the site accessible only to certified Christians who agree with our whacked-out ideas,” said Wildmon. “We haven’t figured that one out yet but maybe some kind of thumbprint id system could be used.”

“Once we do that, we intend on publishing the membership lists of all these groups along with home addresses and phone numbers. That way we can visit these heretics and dole out some of God’s love just like our heroes in the Spanish Inquisition did.”

 

Charlie Hebdo Solidarity Signage Ignites Wave Of Protest Across Bible Belt

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THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – As the world mourns the loss of 12 more innocents in the civilized world’s battle with a bunch of Islamic fundamentalist bipedal turds, the signage used by Parisians to show their solidarity with Charlie Hebdo ignited a firestorm of ignorance across the Bible Belt today.

Evangelical leaders across the United States but particularly in the southeast called for a ban on the use of Jesus’ name on placards and posters used by those wishing to stand up for liberty and freedom of speech in Europe.

charlie2“We just can’t stand by and watch as the Lord’s name is taken in vain,” said Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association. “I am a great supporter of free speech as long as it agrees with whatever hatred I happen to spewing at the time, but this is taking it a little too far. Besides, them Mooslims aren’t all bad. They have a few good ideas, like executing homosexuals and keeping women in their place.”

Pat Robertson droned on and on during his 700 Club broadcast this morning about how the attack on Hebdo was a disgrace but using “Our Savior’s name” on posters was far worse. He warned his over 250 viewers that it would cause a new series of earthquakes and tidal waves in the Caribbean and elsewhere across the globe.

Perhaps the most interesting response came from Michele Bachmann, who ran to the nearest microphone to blame President Obama for both the attack and the signage. “This is a direct result of our socialist emperor Barack Obama not taking my advice to nuke Tehran over the Christmas holidays. Now, instead of having the Ten Commandments in every school and courthouse across America, we have those damn Frenchies carrying around blasphemous posters that say ‘Jesus Charlie!'”

When told about the reaction French President Francois Hollande said “I really don’t know what to say. Sometimes I curse my forefathers for ever helping those idiots gain their independence.”

Jesus Vehemently Denies Torture Allegations

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jesusmachinegun

ROME, ITALY (CT&P) – After a meeting with Pope Francis at the Vatican earlier today, Jesus paused to speak with reporters regarding recent torture allegations made by the American Family Association’s Director of Issues Analysis and borderline psychopath Bryan Fischer. Jesus flatly denied that he supported torture in way whatsoever.

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Jesus told reporters that although he was against torture, having been a victim of it himself, he fully supported “no-knock” warrants made legal by the Patriot Act

“I just want to make it clear that I do not support torture in any of its many forms,” said the Prince of Peace. “This is about the millionth time I’ve had to correct that idiot Fischer. I really don’t know why all you talking monkeys continue to listen to him.”

The controversy erupted earlier this week when Fischer defended the CIA’s use of torture, saying that liberals “would drag the Bible’s heroes before the courts at Nuremberg and charge them with crimes against humanity” and suggesting on his radio program that Jesus would support the use of torture in a time of war.

Fischer went on to rant that “Christianity is not a pacifist religion. The God that we serve is described in Exodus 15 as a ‘man of war.’ Now we often think of gentle Jesus, meek and mild, but let’s not forget, according to Romans 19:13, when he comes back … he will be riding a white horse and wearing his own robe, dipped in blood. That is a robe that is worn by a warrior who is inflicting casualties on the foe. So this is gentle Jesus, meek and mild; when we comes back, his robe is going to be dipped in blood because he too is a warrior.”

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Jesus said that Fischer was also wrong about “the whole white horse thing” as he had long since traded the horse in for a Messiahraptor

Jesus seemed surprised that in this day and age anyone would listen to someone who has such a tenuous grip on reality.

“What is it about ‘turn the other cheek’ that this bigoted imbecile does not understand? Anyone who actually believes the tripe coming out of Fischer’s mouth needs to have his head examined,” said the Lord of Light. “This guy is literally brimming with hatred for just about anyone except straight white males over the age of 65. Frankly, I’m surprised that the son of a bitch has not been committed.”

Jesus was in Rome attending meetings with Pope Francis and a group of architects reviewing Heavenly expansion plans after Francis reduced entry requirements, allowing millions of pets to gain access to the Pearly Gates.

 

Homophobe Bryan Fischer To Be Fitted With Experimental New Muzzle

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Experts have postulated that Fischer’s archaic beliefs and rampant homophobia have something to do with his lifelong battle with constipation

THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – Right-wing radio host and American Family Association Spokesman Bryan Fischer will be fitted with an experimental new muzzle that will deliver an electric shock to the unhinged pundit whenever he says something incredibly stupid or hateful, according to AFA President Tim Wildmon.

“We have tolerated this idiot long enough,” said Wildmon, during an interview with Jesus Daily, a national tabloid devoted to all things Jesus. “He’s running off donors right and left with this obsession he has with homosexuals. He can’t even complete a sentence on the air without talking about gay marriage, sodomites, or homosexual behavior. I’m starting to think that the old geezer needs psychiatric treatment.”

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The experimental muzzle has only been tried before on serial killers and Dear Leader Kim Jong-un’s pet Alsatians that are regularly used to rip political opponents to shreds after being covered in Hardee’s biscuit gravy

The tipping point for Wildmon’s decision to use the device, which has only been used before to train political execution dogs in North Korea, was apparently Fischer’s wild rant on his radio show over the weekend.

During a half-crazed 15 minute diatribe about God and gays, Fischer, like so many other evangelicals, pretended to know the mind of God and insisted that the omniscient and all-powerful deity was just as infatuated with homosexuality as he is.

During the borderline psychotic episode Fischer defended his Neolithic opposition to lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights, arguing that anti-LGBT sentiment was a “natural revulsion.”

Fischer told his “Focal Point” listeners that the term “sodomy” has become culturally obsolete since “it’s an ugly word, because it refers to an ugly practice.”

“It’s not the word, it’s what it describes, it’s what it refers to,” he said. “We have a natural revulsion to that kind of behavior just as God does. We got that from God. God reacts the same way to homosexual behavior, to sodomy, as we do.”

One caller objected to Fischer’s observations, pointing out that the same God that created straights undoubtedly created gays as well, and besides, watching Bryan Fischer have heterosexual sex would be far more revolting than sodomy could ever be.

Apparently Tim Wildmon agreed with the caller because immediate action is being taken to bring the unhinged and sexually insecure Fischer to heel.

Wildmon told reporters that it would probably take few days to get the voltages and fit just right on the new muzzle, but we should expect to hear a much more reasonable Bryan Fischer over the airwaves sometime late next week.

Satan Strenously Denies Homosexuality Claims

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satan44

THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – Speaking during a press conference he called while attending the Value Voters Summit this weekend in Washington, D.C., Lucifer, Prince of Darkness and Lord of the Underworld, flatly denied accusations that he was in fact gay.

The press conference was apparently called in response to Pastor Dwight McKissic’s claims made during a speech on Saturday.

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Although he usually lurks in the shadows, Lucifer made his presence known at the conference because felt that his public support would give it a boost

During the hate-filled speech aimed at America’s gay community, the insecure and gluttonous McKissic called the gay rights movement a “Satanic” effort birthed “from the pit of Hell itself,” before suggesting “the Antichrist himself may be homosexual.”

McKissic has made news before with wild and idiotic statements, like claiming that Hurricane Katrina was “the wrath of God descended on New Orleans as payment for its many sins.” Pastor McKissic did not reveal why God waited so long to act, since New Orleans has been a din of iniquity dating back to its roots as a slave market in the early 1800’s.

Satanic Press Secretary Lord Balthazar told assembled journalists before the presser that “His Majesty felt that he needed to meet these slanderous homosexual accusations head-on and nip them in the bud.”

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Satan stressed that he has always been an advocate of traditional forms of marriage that now boast a divorce rate of nearly 50%. “I’ve always loved kids and they love me,” said the Devil. “I can’t think of a better way to win new converts than through a nasty, bitter divorce that makes kids wonder why the hell they were brought into this world in the first place.”

“I have always been a strong supporter of Focus on the Family, the American Family Association, the Family Research Council, and other Christian fascist organizations bent on turning the United States into some sort of hideous theocracy that stifles minority opinions and lifestyles in favor of their archaic and ignorant views concerning society and the future of our great nation,” said Mephistopheles.

“The Bible clearly states that homosexuals, unfaithful wives, atheists, misbehaving kids, and black teenage males should be stoned to death in the village square, and that is a policy that we demons can unequivocally support,” said Beelzebub.

“I want all my friends on the Christian Right to know that they need not worry about our continued moral and monetary support. I could not do a better job of spreading hatred against gays, immigrants, Muslims, or racial minorities if I was up here doing it myself, so keep up the good work guys!”

Pastor McKissic called his own presser in order to respond to Satan’s statements.

“Sure, the Angel of Darkness generously offered his continued support of our backward-ass and unenlightened organizations, but he never did flatly deny that he was gay,” said the Right Reverend McKissic. “I think it’s high time that Old Nick came out of his subterranean closet and showed us his true nature so voters can make informed decisions on his political future.”

The Values Voter Summit was deemed a great success by all those who participated, and many of the unhinged ideas spouted by the illustrious lineup of wingnut right-wing speakers will no doubt be incorporated into the 2016 Republican presidential platform.

 

God Condemns Bryan Fischer To Spend Eternity In Hell

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THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – After a working lunch with Pope Francis this afternoon, God paused briefly outside the Vatican to tell reporters that as a result of Fischer’s recent string of insane and hateful comments, he would be condemned to spend eternity in the fiery depths of Hell.

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God told reporters that just because Fischer is sexually frustrated that gives him no right to spew hatred in His name.

“I have had it up to here with these charlatans making hateful and nauseating comments in my name,” said God. “I’m going to make an example of this dim witted freak for all the rest of you to see. I mean, look, I gave you a set of commandments to keep. Ten easy rules to follow so that you talking monkeys can all get along with each other. But no, you are too dumb to follow simple commands and insist on spewing hatred all over the airwaves while at the same time claiming to know what I am thinking. I’ve had it!”

God’s decision to immerse Fischer in the Lake of Fire until time ends came after a long series of idiotic and hate-filled comments came spewing forth from Fischer on his show aired by the American Family Association.

God handed the group of reporters a short list of Fischer’s sins while insisting he could fill an entire book with the despicable and heinous statements that the “moron” has spouted over the years.

In recent weeks on his radio program, Fischer has:

  • Declared it will be “the end of America” if Congress does not impeach President Obama
  • Denounced anyone who uses the word “racist,” then insisted that Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder “are racists.”
  • Sided with radical Islamists in Iraq in calling Obama a “devil worshiper.”
  • Suggested on Twitter that accepting homosexuality leads people to commit acts of necrophilia.
  • Said that LGBT people are inherently disqualified from holding public office.
  • Written an article in which he wonders if Robin Williams will go to heaven and insults Williams’s mother’s belief system (she was a Christian Scientist, Fischer says, and that is “a counterfeit form of religion that is neither Christian nor scientific”)
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God said that Fischer is not the first false prophet to be the Devil’s house guest, and surely won’t be the last.

God told reporters that Fischer should change the name of his program from “Focal Point” to “Feces Point” as it more accurately describes the filth coming out of this “pseudo Christian’s” mouth.

“Has this dude never heard of “Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself?” asked God. “It is hard for me to imagine how I could have been any clearer.”

God closed the impromptu presser by warning others that the same fate awaits them if they don’t take Pope Francis’ advice and try to show love for all mankind, not just straight white people.

“One more thing before I go,” said God. “I’ve just straightened out Francis on this whole embryonic stem-cell research thing and I’m not going to repeat myself. Kevin McCullough, I’ve got my eye on you, one more dumb-ass comment about how the ALS Challenge kills unborn babies and you can expect to contract Ebola in the very near future, you brainless twit!”

As God was departing for the intergalactic terminal at Leonardo da Vinci International, a reporter asked what specific form of punishment awaited Fischer in Hell.

God responded, “I leave that kind of stuff up to Lucifer. He can be very creative. After all, that’s what I put him there for.”

 

New Evidence Suggests Standardized Testing Is Turning Our Kids Into Gay Nazis

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gayhitler

SOMEWHERE NEAR THE NORTH CAROLINA-TENNESSEE BORDER (CT&P) – Is your son obsessed with annexing the Sudetenland while wearing a dress? Does your daughter want to dye her hair blonde and buy a Subaru Forester? Do your kids look longingly to the east every spring while mumbling something about lebensraum? If so, they could be the victims of standardized testing, according to Florida state representative Charles Van Zant.

In a recent video, Rep. Van Zant (R-Keystone Heights) warned of the danger posed by standardized testing in general and the Common Core testing regimen in particular. He told a group of Common Core detractors that tests from the American Institutes of Research or ‘AIR’ were designed to “turn our kids gay.” Mr. Van Zant, known as ‘Kooky’ to his colleagues in the Florida House of Representatives, told a gathered audience that the new Common Core tests have been designed specifically to “attract every one of your children to be as homosexual as they possibly can.”

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American Family Association radio host Bryan Fischer is a good friend and confidant of Rep. Van Zant

“These tests,” said Van Zant, “are the most monstrous conspiracy to be perpetrated on our kids since the communist plot to flouridate our water just after World War II. The American Institutes of Research, who designed these malevolent tests, pretend to be a legitimate educational testing company. In reality, AIR is a shadowy organization of homosexual Nazis that have been hiding in Brazil since their parents fled Germany in 1945.”

“With the help of my good friend Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association, I have been able to uncover this plot and with the help of Almighty God and our friends on the Supreme Court we will stop these evil servants of Satan.”

Mr. Fischer, right-wing radio personality and Director of Issues Analysis for American Family, was one of the first intellectuals to link gay activism with the Nazi party. According to Fischer, the Nazi party was loaded with homosexuals. “Just as the homosexual stormtroopers for Hitler were to exterminate and eliminate the opposition and beat them into silence, that’s what homosexual activists want to do today,” Fischer said last year, in one of his many rants on the subject.

When questioned by reporters about how a standardized test could be used to “convert” kids into homosexuality and turn them into National Socialists, Rep. Van Zant cocked his head and appeared to be listening intently. Then he responded, “Norman says that the tests make our kids double-minded. The Bible says a lot about being double-minded,” Van Zant said. “These people who will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida, and unless this is stopped, the tests will promote double-mindedness in state education.”

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‘Spiny Norman,’ a giant invisible hedgehog, has been Rep Van Zant’s friend and adviser for many years

Later, the thoroughly confused journalists were informed by one of Van Zant’s handlers that “Spiny Norman” is actually an invisible giant hedgehog that accompanies Representative Van Zant everywhere he goes. ‘Norman’ offers analysis and political advice to Van Zant and has been doing so since he was a small child.

Mr. Van Zant’s next appearance will be at the Jacksonville Civic Center in June, where he will discuss the worldwide communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids. Admission is free.

Easter Bunny Hospitalized For “Nervous Exhaustion” Following Particularly Stressful Easter Season

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SANTA ROSA BEACH (CT&P) – The Easter Bunny collapsed from exhaustion as she made her final deliveries in the Washington D.C. area early this morning. She was immediately rushed to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland where she is said to be resting comfortably after being given a liberal dose of Xanax for her nerves.

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Alice “Easter” Bunny is seen here resting comfortably in her room at Walter Reed. She is expected to make a full recovery

A spokesman for the hospital told a gaggle of reporters that the Bunny, who’s first name is Alice, had endured “a particularly stressful Easter season” and that “it all just became too much to bear.” The spokesman said that Alice wanted all the kids on her final route to rest assured they would get their eggs. Emergency calls have been placed to Paris via the U.N. and backup flying French “Easter Bells” were taking up the slack.

The 2014 Easter season has been a particularly stressful one for Alice for a variety of reasons. As everyone knows, she is a part-time employee and is not eligible to receive health insurance from her employer. In the past few years the cost of insurance has risen so precipitously that Alice finally had to sell her hutch and move into a warren in order to make ends meet. To make matters worse, she missed the Obamacare sign-up deadline because of a computer glitch, so she has had to make appearances and gather eggs while being uninsured.

Her stress level shot up immensely when she was lured into an appearance with Bill O’Reilly on Fox News early last week. O’Reilly’s other guests were the Reverend Donald Wildmon of the American Family Organization and Dan Barker, co-founder of the Freedom From Religion Foundation. Alice “Easter” Bunny, who has consistently claimed that she is strictly nondenominational, was caught in a crossfire between the two adversaries as both demanded that she take sides in the debate.

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Dr. Roger Lepus expects Alice to make a full recovery

“That was the last bedding straw,” said the hospital spokesman. “I don’t think her tender psyche could take any more, and the stress just got the best of her this morning. However, we expect her to make a full recovery and she should be ‘fit as a fiddle’ for next Easter, so the kids shouldn’t worry about getting their fair share of tooth-rotting, diabetes-inducing chocolate rabbit figurines in the future. As for this year, we have full confidence that those weird French flying bells will complete her route around D.C.”

 

Christian Right Joins Forces With Animists And Luddites To Fight “Voodoo Science”

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cosmosshow

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Ross McMakin, a native of Panama City Beach, has been hired as DAFT’s spokesman

WASHINGTON (CT&P) – Answers in Genesis, the American Family Association, Hobby Lobby Inc., and a primitive Amazon rain forest tribe have joined forces to combat the lies and “Voodoo Science” being spread by Neil deGrasse Tyson on his show Cosmos. They will be joined by the Flat Earth Society, the Amateur Gynecologist’s League, and the Mississippi River Wideners Club in an all out fight against reason and science for the hearts and minds of the American people.

The new organization, known as DAFT, held a press conference in Washington, D.C. earlier last month to voice their concerns. The newly appointed spokesman for the group, Ross McMakin of Philomath, Oregon, explained the goals of the organization to an eager crowd of journalists from around the country.

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Chief Fred wowed journalists with a primitive version of PowerPoint in order to get his point across

“DAFT has been formed to fight the heretics around the world that want to teach our kids lies about the nature of the universe and the age of the earth,” said McMakin. “The teachers and scientists that promote Satanic ideas like evolution, the ‘Big Bang,’ and photosynthesis cannot be allowed to drown out the voices of blind faith and adherence to archaic value systems.”

McKakin took a swig of Rebel Yell and then continued, “We intend to stamp out the influence of science and societal progress wherever it rears its ugly head!”

McKakin then yielded the podium to “Fred,” chief of an Amazon rain forest tribe living in the remote jungles of Brazil. Fred’s tribe, dubbed the Luddites by the Brazilian press, has lived happily in the tangled “green hell” and fever-ridden swamps of triple-canopy rain forest for centuries.

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“Fred” took advantage of the trip to D.C. to jet over to East Africa and visit relatives and fellow animists at a seaside resort

The Luddites exist without any type of modern convenience except for two dozen pair of Michael Jordan sneakers that fell out of  the luggage compartment of a commercial aircraft during the 1980’s. They hunt, fish, and party the same way their ancestors did at the dawn of human civilization. The Luddites have a strict moral and religious code that is characterized by the worship of inanimate objects and the enthusiastic ritual sacrifice of any hominids that are not of their tribe.

Their life expectancy is roughly 26 years of age.

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“Fred” had a big change of heart after being exposed to modern technology. He is seen here only two weeks after the press conference addressing the U.N. on the problem of deforestation.

Although “Fred” could only communicate verbally with a complicated jumble of guttural grunts and high-pitched clicking sounds, he used a sand table and a stick to try to get his point across. “Fred” drew a picture of the earth circling the sun and then crossed it out and urinated on it. Then he erased the flawed conceptual piece and proceeded to draw the sun circling the earth. After he finished he smiled and grabbed his private parts while nodding his head up and down.

Journalists in attendance seemed to grasp the point “Fred” was making and were eager to ask questions of the newly appointed spokesman Mr. McMakin, since no one had the patience to wait around for another of “Fred’s” masterpieces.

A reporter from Skeptic Magazine asked McMakin, “Look, what I am curious about is that you folks reject the findings of scientists on several fronts such as the age of the universe, evolution, and climate change, but you are perfectly willing to use the tools that scientists have provided us with such as improved health care, computers, smart phones, etc. It seems you folks want to ‘cherry pick’ science for what is useful to you and your religion and trash the rest. Are you guys just insecure or what? What’s up with that?”

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Not everyone agrees with DAFT’s stance on science and technology. Chief Franklin of the “What’s Happening Now” tribe, who live in on the next block over from the Luddites, says Fred “is so full of shit his eyes are brown.”

At this point McMakin abruptly ended the press conference giving the excuse that he was late for a spousal abuse party and had to go pick up his girlfriend. “Fred” seemed willing to stay as he was enjoying the air-conditioned building and the free mimosas but the reporters expressed no further interest, so everyone left.

It remains to be seen what effect if any DAFT will have on public education or insightful and informative television shows such as Cosmos. As Thomas Huxley famously said:

Extinguished theologians lie about the cradle of every science as the strangled snakes beside that of Hercules; and history records that whenever science and orthodoxy have been fairly opposed, the latter has been forced to retire from the lists, bleeding and crushed if not annihilated; scotched, if not slain.