Tag Archives: anthrax

Pentagon Unloads Old Anthrax Stocks On Unsuspecting Labs

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – (CT&P) -The L.A. Times is reporting that an Army bio-defense facility in Utah may have mistakenly sent live anthrax samples to 51 commercial companies, academic institutions and federal labs without proper safeguards, more than double the total disclosed last week.

The magnitude of the “foul up” came to light during an investigation led by General Buck Turgidson USAF (Ret).

General Turgidson said Wednesday that the facilities are scattered across 17 states and the District of Columbia, as well as in Canada, Australia and Korea, suggesting a systemic lapse in the military’s little-known program to study defenses against biological weapons agents, including anthrax.

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General Turgidson spoke with reporters over the phone from his office at the Fuck Hut Motor Lodge in Silver Springs, Maryland

The anthrax shipments originated at the Army’s Dugway Proving Ground, a sprawling facility southwest of Salt Lake City where scientists focus on trying to defend the nation from potential biological weapons agents, including anthrax.

“This was apparently part of an exercise called Operation Dropkick,” said Turgidson when interviewed over the phone from his office at the Fuck Hut Motor Lodge in Silver Springs, Maryland.

“It appears that General Jack D. Ripper, the commander in charge over at Dugway, ordered the samples sent out as way to test our readiness in the event of a terrorist attack,” said Turgidson.

Ripper is the former commander of Burpelson Air Force Base in Nevada, but was transferred to Dugway after he sent an entire wing of B-1 bombers to attack Iran after attending a wild hog hunt and barbecue with Senator Tom Cotton of Arkansas.

“I hate to judge before all the facts are in,” said Turgidson, “but it looks like General Ripper has exceeded his authority.”

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General Ripper was demoted and transferred to Dugway after he attempted to vaporize Iran on orders from Senator Tom Cotton of Arkansas

Meanwhile, officials from the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta are scrambling to recover the samples and treat anyone who may have been exposed.

The Pentagon and CDC will brief reporters Wednesday afternoon on the investigation into how and why the potentially deadly organisms were repeatedly shipped without appropriate safeguards, and whether safety systems are adequate at the labs.

“The CDC is concerned with understanding just what the fuck happened here and to make sure affected labs have everything they need to protect their workers,” said Jason McDonald, a CDC spokesman.

General Ripper has been placed under guard and will be transported to an undisclosed location where he is scheduled to be interviewed using “enhanced interrogation techniques.”

He released a brief statement before he was detained by members of the 101st Airborne Division:

“I can no longer sit back and allow Muslim infiltration, Muslim indoctrination, Muslim subversion, and the international Muslim conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.”

NSA code breakers are currently trying to figure out the meaning of Ripper’s statement.

 

 

 

CDC Dispatches 84 Scientists And Researchers To West Africa To Fight Ebola Outbreak

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ATLANTA (CT&P) – Director of the Centers For Disease Control in Atlanta Thomas Frieden announced today that 84 more personnel will be sent to West Africa to help combat the Ebola outbreak that is devastating parts of Liberia, Guinea, and Sierra Leone.  The 84 scientists will join a team of five CDC personnel already on the ground in the area.

The outbreak has already claimed over 300 lives and is considered by many to be completely out of control.

“The reality is clear that the epidemic is now in a second wave,” Bart Janssens, a Doctors Without Borders official, told the Associated Press. “And, for me, it is totally out of control.

Ebola causes high fevers, vomiting, diarrhea and often death. The latest epidemic has left more than 330 dead in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia. The outbreak started in heavily populated areas of Guinea and Liberia.

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Members of the highly trained team of scientists are reminded of proper procedure before they depart on their trip. The CDC denied that all the Delta Airlines tickets distributed to the personnel were “one-way.”

“I’m absolutely convinced that this epidemic is far from over and will continue to kill a considerable number of people, particularly health workers” Janssens told AP, “so this will definitely end up the biggest ever.”

The CDC has not released the names of the employees destined for the hot zone, and Dr. Frieden insisted that the move has nothing to do with the 84 federal employees recently exposed to deadly anthrax bacteria.

“We had planned to send these folks into the field for quite some time, and introducing them into a filthy environment loaded with Ebola, malaria and Dengue fever is the perfect way to get their feet wet in the exciting world of hands on disease prevention,” said Frieden. “It has absolutely nothing to do with trying to get rid of bumbling scientists that did not follow proper protocol, or trying to avoid the costly medical expenses of treating anthrax infections.”

The potentially disastrous anthrax exposure occurred after researchers working in a high-level biosecurity laboratory at the agency’s Atlanta campus failed to follow proper procedures to inactivate the bacteria. They then transferred the samples, which may have contained live bacteria, to lower-security CDC labs not equipped to handle live anthrax, as well as the campus cafeteria.

More researchers were exposed to the deadly substance during an office party when the powder was mistaken for table sugar and used to sweeten iced tea.

Dr. Frieden told The Atlanta Journal Constitution that he has full faith in the team, and those who beat the odds and survive will no doubt be in line for some important bonuses and promotions.