Tag Archives: voter suppression

Florida Governor Rick Scott Takes It In The Ass

Posted in politics by

rick55

 

TALLAHASSEE – (CT&P) – This morning U.S. District Judge Mark Walker ordered the extension of Florida’s voter registration by one week, until next Tuesday, because of Hurricane Matthew.

“No right is more precious than having a voice in our elections,” Walker said Wednesday during a 40-minute hearing in a Tallahassee courtroom.

Judge Walker also ordered that a two-by-four be driven up Florida Governor Rick Scott’s ass, to remind him that he wasn’t a fucking dictator.

The Florida Democratic Party had asked for an extension of the deadline in the wake of the disarray left behind by Hurricane Matthew, which led to evacuation orders of more than 1 million residents.

Attorneys for Gov. Rick Scott, who had opposed the extension because he is a fucking asshole who’ll do anything to deny poor black folks the vote, and Secretary of State Ken Detzner spoke only to acknowledge their presence. They didn’t argue a position before Walker because they didn’t have a fucking leg to stand on.

Democrats filed a lawsuit Sunday against Governor Scott, who is widely believed to be the direct descendant of the Aztec snake god Quetzalcoatl. The lawsuit argued that Scott refused to extend the deadline for the very residents he ordered to evacuate for the storm.

“Many Floridians who would have registered to vote prior to the Oct. 11 registration deadline have been displaced or otherwise prevented from registering,” the lawsuit stated.

The lawsuit also claimed that Governor Scott took advantage of the storm to capture, smother through constriction, and devour several undocumented farm workers.

“Quite simply, it is wholly irrational in this instance for Florida to refuse to extend the voter registration deadline when the state already allows the governor to suspend or move the election date due to an unforeseen emergency,” Walker wrote in a 16-page order, which also mandated that Scott be X-rayed to determine if was slowly digesting any human beings.

“We hope that this order will in some small way alleviate the horror inflicted on the less fortunate residents of Florida by Governor Scott, and maybe they’ll get some satisfaction in the knowledge that the bloodthirsty serpent will have a large piece of wood driven way up inside his ass.”

 

GOP Candidates Vow To Ban Early Voting If Elected

Posted in humor, politics by

Black-Vote

THE CABIN ANTHRAX, MURPHY, N.C. (CT&P) – Alarmed by the number of Democrats taking advantage of early voting across the country, a coalition of GOP politicians and candidates running for office in this year’s midterms have vowed to end early voting in future elections in the United States. The coalition, known as STOP (Suppress Those Other People from Voting) was formed because blacks and other minorities take advantage of early voting in disproportionate numbers.

earlyvoting

GOP leaders have long insisted that white heterosexual males with an annual income over $75,000 should be the only humans allowed to vote in the United States

Rick Scott, governor of Florida and ancient Aztec snake god, is chairman of the new coalition. He told Fox News that “We Republicans would much prefer that these people were unable to vote at all, but if we are going to let them express their views then by God they can vote on the same day us white folks do. I’ve tried my best to keep black folks and poor people out of the voting booth by signing draconian voter ID laws in the past, but it’s just not enough. We have to make a stand!”

Texas Governor Rick Perry agreed with Scott.

“I just don’t know what these Messicans and negras are thinking about,” said Perry. “You would think that they would get the message and behave themselves. Hell, we execute one every week down here!”

Perry was not finished, and took the concept of voter suppression one step further.

rickperry44

Texas Governor Rick Perry told Fox News anchor and giant horse’s ass Bill O’Reilly that “If these blacks and Hispanics don’t start behavin’ and votin’ the right way, well then we just might have to shoot ’em.”

“We Texans in the GOP are concerned about the minority vote, but what really puts a burr under our saddle is the number of women who have abandoned the Republican Party,” said Perry.  “I just don’t understand it. We already showed ’em how much we love and respect ’em by taking away their reproductive rights. I guess if they can’t do what their husbands command like the Bible says, then we’ll just have to repeal the 19th Amendment and leave the voting to white males, as long as they are heterosexual of course.”

Although pleased with the archaic views held by the exclusively white male GOP leadership, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus expressed concern over the apparent revulsion that minorities and enlightened women feel when they consider the Republican Party.

“It’s a mystery to all of us here at the RNC. I mean, we’ve talked about it and all of us have provided jobs for minorities in the past,” said Priebus.”Every single party we’ve had has featured black waitstaff. We’ve had black maids, gay hair stylists, and Hispanic gardeners. You would think that they would be grateful. Furthermore, we Republicans have always supported a woman’s right to choose to do exactly what we white men want. I just don’t get it.”

 

 

 

 

In Honor Of Black History Month Manatee County Florida Eliminates Minority-Heavy Polling Places

Posted in humor, politics, Uncategorized by
kuklux

Name tags are usually worn to identify members of the board

MANATEE COUNTY, FL-At a public meeting last Tuesday, the Manatee County Board of Commissioners voted 6-1 to trim the number of voting precincts within the county in order to “save money” and offer more early voting sites “sometime in the future.” The vote was along party lines, with the only “no” vote coming from the single Democrat on the board. The proposal was put forward by Supervisor of Elections and part-time Obergruppenfuhrer Mike Bennett.

nazi1

Republican members of the Board of Commissioners were unmoved by speeches made against the proposal

The move will cut in half the number of polling places in District 2, which is minority-heavy. During the public comment section of the meeting all ten speeches opposed the proposal. The local chapter of the NAACP and the Southern Christian Leadership Council also opposed the move.

Mr. Bennett brushed aside objections by saying that “District 2 had received preferential treatment in the past,” and it was time that they pulled their own weight. He said, “If the folks in District 2 are just too lazy and shiftless to wait six or seven hours in line in order to vote, then to hell with them.”

mikebennett

Mr. Bennett appeared before reporters sans his trademark hood

Mr. Bennett has long been an advocate of making it difficult for blacks and other minorities to vote. In 2011 and 2012 he backed “election reform” bills designed to make it harder for Democrats in general and blacks in particular to vote in statewide elections. The new law resulted in long lines outside polling places all over Florida. Mr. Bennett was unmoved by the long lines and said to a group of reporters, “I want the people of Florida to want to vote as bad as that person in Africa who’s willing to walk 200 miles…This should not be easy.”

Mr. Bennett then excused himself and left the meeting because, according to an aide, he had a late-night rally to attend in a nearby field.